You're invited to our party.
This is our 11th Annual Actual* 4th of July party: a Wiggly Wiener Wonderland! The extended forecast says it's going to be hot 🥵 and sunny 🌞 with a 25% chance of isolated thunderstorms ⛈.
You know, July.
We're having the party on the 4th of July, a Saturday.
No, we don't care about the USA's 250th birthday celebration. You know what's better than driving into the city with everyone else? Not doing that.
SON OF A BITCH, I'M IN.*2020's "Pathetic Pandemic Party" doesn't count because we didn't have guests.
Where's the party?
Dom and Kate's house in Drexel Hill, PA. There's usually a bunch of street parking available.
What's the plan now, dog?
We'll be ready for people around 2pm, starting with light snacks (🥔 chips, 🥣 dips, 🥨 etc.) until we've got enough of a crowd to start raw doggin' 🐕 featured dishes. We'll party the whole afternoon and into the night. Sometime between 7:00pm and 8:00pm, Dom or Kate will put Ozzy to bed.
Around that time we usually get a fire started 🔥 and start playing Mario Kart World 🏎 in the basement.
I'M THE MAN NOW, DOGLook at me ... that was a web 1.0 Finding Forrester reference because I'm ancient.
Let us put our wieners in you.
The theme this year is Oops! All Wieners! All the food we're preparing is going to be hotdog or hotdog-adjacent. We're talking beef franks, sausages, weenies. Dick-shaped food. If it's not wiener-shaped, we're going to make it wiener shaped. That'll make it easier to hork down.
We needed to get the invite out before we finished brainstorming, so who knows what to expect?
We're currently dogfooding ideas, like:
- 🌭 Literal hotdogs.
(but with maximum effort) - 🌮 Tacos, but they're hotdogs.
(with a variety of toppings) - 🥤 Hotdog water.
(sangria with "watermelon tubes") - 🥚 Deviled eggs with weenies on top.
(with the yolk mix shaped into a bun) - 🍌 Sweet, sweet dicks.
(banana-based dessert, possibly cannoli) - 🌈 Stuffed twinks.
(Twinkies with hotdogs in them)
We'll also have vegetarian options, including those handheld pasta salad sliders from the Barely Bite-Sized Bash. BYO if you're particular.
I'LL GET THOSE DOGS IN ME🧨 Fireworks?
That's a "no" for me, dog. No real fireworks. 🧯 Sparklers and those tiny fountains are okay, but anything that an adult would consider fun should be left at home. 👨🚒
Get outta here! Go on, get!
Everyone's usually gone by midnight unless they're having a sleepover. This time it's Saturday night so we might go way later. Especially if we break out board games.
REMEMBER LASSIE?If you play the end credits to any episode of Lassie, my mom will cry.
Put me down the basement where all the beers are.
We'll have 3 beers on tap at the bar, plus cans. We've got plenty of wine, and a decent offering of spirits. For those who don't imbibe we always have sparkling water, Gatorade, juice boxes, teeny cans of soda, and filtered water.
REMEMBER JURRASIC BARK?If you play the last 5 minutes of that one Futurama episode, I will cry.
Bring the whole pack ...
We'd like to include everyone who wants to come. We'll be sharing an invitation and spreading this link around, but please feel free to invite whoever. Your kids are invited, too. We have stuff for them to do.
... but not YOUR dog.
OUR dog is a jerk. Reggie loves people and plays with children, but he feels compelled to assert dominance over other dogs, no matter how big they are.
We also have a cat. You won't see her, but if you're allergic you'll absolutely feel her presence. Dope yourself up on antihistamines before coming over.
WE'LL DOGPILE INTO THE CARChildren!
We'll break out the kiddie pool, sprinkler, and water play table. (Remember to bring a change of clothes!) We'll set up the ball pit inside, too, especially if there's bad weather.
Older kids can play whatever I've got on my Nintendo Switch 2 on the gigantic projector screen in the basement until the adults want to play Towerfall. BYO Switch of any variety if you have something specific in mind. We have plenty of controllers (because Dom didn't understand that the old joycons work on the new console).
We've got three rooms upstairs fit for napping. Those rooms even have beds (of varying quality)! Bring your own baby cage if your child can't be trusted.
PUPS. PUPPERS. PUPPERINOS.Sit. Stay. Look:
Please mention if your parents, children, or family friends will also be in attendance and remind us of your special dietary restrictions so we can do our best to not kill you. We have a dog and a cat. If you're allergic to those things you're going to have to plan ahead.