You're invited to our party.
Get ready to choke down what we're serving up at this year's 4th of July party: the Barely Bite-Sized Bash! The extended forecast says it's going to be hot and sunny, you know, July.
We're having the party on the actual 4th of July, a Thursday, so that you don't have an excuse to bail.
SKIP TO THE GOOD PARTWhere's the party?
Dom and Kate's house in Drexel Hill, PA. There's usually a bunch of street parking available.
What's the plan?
We'll be ready for people around 2pm, starting with light snacks (chips, dips, etc.) until we've got enough of a crowd to start cranking out featured dishes. We'll party the whole afternoon and into the night. Sometime between 7pm and 8pm, Dom or Kate will put Ozzy to bed. Around that time we usually start playing Towerfall in the basement or get a fire started outside. Everyone's usually gone by midnight unless they're having a sleepover.
Fireworks?
No real fireworks. Sparklers and those tiny fountains are okay but anything that an adult would consider fun should be left at home.
OKAY COOL I'M INShove it in your mouth, Bonanni!
The theme this year is barely bite-sized. All the food we're going to serve can be eaten in one bite, provided you possess sufficient fortitude and exhibit great determination. Let me show you how to unhinge your jaw.
Nothing is set in stone, but I've heard murmerings of strawberry cheesecake cookies, meatball sliders in garlic bread, deviled eggs, whatever blueberry "galettette" are, and smoked bacon shells*. We're still workshopping vegetarian options but deep fried cauliflower drenched** in hot sauce is a distinct possibility. Also possible: mini sourdough zucchini bread and pretzel bites. Kate just shared a video of pan-frying cheddar cheese and wrapping pickles in it, so maybe that. Who knows?
FEED ME
*As in molded into the general shape of a shotgun shell, not the Italian pasta variety.
**Don't worry, we'll keep the hot sauce off to the side so you can make your own mistakes.
Throat G.O.A.T.
We're going to serve up an unspecified number of novelty shots that would make Nancy Reagan blush if she weren't a corpse. 🎺🎺🎺 I'm not sure what they'll be made out of, but if I had to guess ... cream.
We'll have 3 beers better than the beers you drink on tap at the bar plus whatever garbage pounders we grab from the distributor day-of, for when it's time to slow the fuck down.
I'LL GET MY GLUCK GLUCK ONWho's invited?
We'd like to include everyone who wants to come. We'll be sharing an invitation on Facebook and spreading this link around, but please make sure the word gets out to those not on Facebook - including parents, people who only use Instagram, and other social media avoiders. Your kids are invited, too. We have stuff for them to do.
How about pets?
Nope, our dog is a jerk. Reggie loves people and plays with children, but he feels compelled to assert dominance over other dogs, no matter how big they are.
We also have a cat.
You won't see her, but if you're allergic you'll absolutely feel her presence. Dope yourself up on antihistamines before coming over.
I'LL BRING MY WHOLE FAMILYWon't somebody think of the children?
We'll break out the kiddie pool, sprinkler, and water play table. We might have a ball pit, too, if there are enough kids.
Older kids can play whatever I've got on my Nintendo Switch on the gigantic projector screen in the basement until the adults want to play Towerfall. BYO Switch if you have something specific in mind. We have plenty of controllers.
We've got three rooms upstairs fit for napping. Those rooms even have beds (of varying quality)! Bring your own baby cage if your child can't be trusted.
LOL "BABY CAGE"Stay alive as long as you can.
Please mention if your parents, children, or family friends will also be in attendance and remind us of your special dietary restrictions so we can do our best to not kill you. We have a dog and a cat. If you're allergic to those things you're going to have to plan ahead.
My parents are out of town, so we can use their house as a drunk tank in case you have too much fun.